Dear Diary,
It costs me a little to admit this, but long story short: it’s all in my mind. These days, I’ve been triggered by a friend, which brought out some furious energies in me. All this rage is something I know better than to express physically because it would be destructive and violent.
I don’t even think there’s a real risk of that happening, because there’s a part of me that’s even stronger than the rage itself, which would stop it from translating into violent actions. I suppose this happens to protect me from karmic consequences.
Anyway, I’ve been torn with very painful and violent thoughts due to these triggers. It’s clear that I was hurt, and that hurt stems from a past I can’t fully recall. Yet, in that moment, the rage felt immediate and urgent, demanding resolution through (violent) action.
However, yesterday I stumbled upon that friend, and I realized that it was all in my mind. The triggers were there, and they did their job, but my friend wasn’t completely intentional in causing those hurtful consequences. In fact, it turns out he also expressed opposite and uplifting behaviors toward me.
What’s the lesson here? Sometimes, it really is all in my mind. I still have furious energies inside me, and wounds that relate to my own perceived value and the responses from others to that value.
Something like that.
